Creating a Gender Friendly World
Society has created a firm but arbitrary connection between sex and gender and that link is THE MAIN SOURCE of our problems. Transvestite or transsexual, male or female, gay or lesbian -- all face the same issue. We know the role of outcast; someone who just doesn't belong. We have felt shame and fear of rejection because society says there is something wrong with us. We have learned to hide our true selves in order to achieve acceptance, but that level of self-denial creates unbearable internal turmoil. We share anguish, isolation, desperation. We share pain...
Whether the gender community actually exists is disputed by many, but most agree that the gay/lesbian community is real. Whatever their official status, the two groups have not effectively linked themselves as a unified force. Even within the groups, actions are often fragmented. Each includes people with significantly different views, life styles, personalities and agendas that frequently lead to power struggles, petty-bickering, personal attacks, finger-pointing and fragmented actions. Attacks on individuals and groups are commonplace and ugly. Individuals and organizations act independently. Coordinated action is the exception, not the norm.
We do open battle with each other while complaining about the prejudice society shows towards us. From mainstream society's point of view, we appear as one ragged group. As they observe our internal squabbling, we extinguish any hope of their acceptance. We show disrespect to each other. Why should they respect us?
While we share strong underlying bonds, they are largely ignored. Each of us is trying to bend, shift, stretch or break that culturally enforced link between sex and gender -- the primary cause of our problems. We strive for self-expression. We want everyone to accept our gender expression. But we quite often fail to accept other community members' expression because if differs from ours. What will it take to recognize and value our common bond?
The ultimate sadness is that we consistently fail to take advantage of an obvious solution that would benefit all of us. Suppose we lived in a society where it was impossible to distinguish men from women based solely on their clothing, makeup or behavior. A world where no gender rules were attached to wearing dresses or pants. A place where labels such as transgendered, transsexual and transvestite were insignificant -- where no stereotypes were attached to bisexuals, heterosexuals or homosexuals. Then we could quit hiding and be ourselves. But everyone knows that's impossible -- isn't it?
That open society was envisioned when the International Bill of Gender Rights was first drafted -- "It is fundamental that individuals have the right to define, and to redefine as their lives unfold, their own gender identities, without regard to chromosomal sex, genitalia, assigned birth sex, or initial gender role....(and) have the corresponding right to free expression of their self-defined identity." Notice the statement extends coverage to everyone. Unfortunately society doesn't accept free expression. Tragically, we don't either. How can we allow that to continue?
I know that we can't, but nothing changed for me until I realized that I personally can't allow that to continue! Converting generalized rhetoric into a personal commitment, is the key ingredient for change. The power generated by an individual acting with passion and principles, creates new realities once deemed impossible.
...we must accept responsibility for a problem before we can solve it.
We cannot solve a problem by saying "It's not my problem."
We cannot solve a problem by hoping that someone else will solve it for us.
I can only solve a problem when I say
This is my problem and it's up to me to solve it.
M. Scott Peck
The Road Less Traveled
The problems caused by linking sex and gender expression are my problems. My personal Objective is to work to educate people so that -- "The gender family is understood by and accepted into mainstream society."
I pledge to accept every individual who considers themselves part of either the gender or gay/lesbian communities as a member of my gender family. I will treat their view of gender expression with dignity and respect. When someone doesn't accept me, my view or my principles, I will explain my position and invite them to share their thinking. I will NEVER attack them or their position. I will seek to understand first, then to be understood. I will; however, insist that they communicate in the same constructive manner. If we cannot interact in a respectful manner, I will disengage as gracefully as possible while leaving the door open for future discussion. Inevitably I will fail to honor the pledge fully. When that happens, I ask that you remind me of my commitment.
By acting this way, I move towards the objective. By encouraging others to act this way, I expedite the process. My goal is to find individuals who share these ideals, help each of them find others and encourage those others to find more.
You know where I stand. You understand my reasoning. You see where I plan to go. Will you make a similar pledge?
